God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
