I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
