I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
