Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
