i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
