I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
