on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
