ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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