4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I don't want my vagina anymore.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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