i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
