day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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