Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
