her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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