She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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