I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
