he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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