Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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