dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
