all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
we're so committed to being not committed
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
