I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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