My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
