yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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