It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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