I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
