Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
