Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
