That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
