Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
