Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize