Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
