Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
