Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
