His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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