I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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