i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
