My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
