I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
