sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
