There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
