I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
3 2 1 whiskey
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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