I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
no you cant smoke seaweed
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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