kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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