Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
you had me at cake vodka
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
