I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Sext me about skeletons
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
