when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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