: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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