why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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