is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
