i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
