Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
