I didn't shave. On purpose
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
