If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
These tits shall not be calmed
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
