so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
