my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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