remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
