Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
