All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
