Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
