can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
